


Clandestine

by Kayelyn



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Angst and Feels, Canon-Typical Violence, Death Eater Draco Malfoy, Everything Hurts, F/M, Forbidden Love, Hogwarts Sixth Year, Jealousy, Order of the Phoenix (Harry Potter), Pining Draco Malfoy, War, and beyond
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-07-16
Updated: 2019-07-16
Packaged: 2020-06-29 11:23:29
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 554
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19829158
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kayelyn/pseuds/Kayelyn
Summary: When life and fate seem insurmountable one must decide whether they are strong enough to let go, or if the scattered moments of happiness are worth the pain.





	Clandestine

**Author's Note:**

> DISCLAIMER: Harry Potter and all its characters and universe do not belong to me, but JKR. Un-beta'ed so any mistakes are mine.

It was everything, and it was nothing.

The bittersweet irony of the situation that he found himself in never failed to elude him.

She was the sun. She was the embodiment of light, a breath of fresh air to the staleness of his all-consuming darkness. The epitome of everything that he was taught to hate and hate her did. At least, he did once, he thinks. Perhaps he never really did.

He knew with every breath that he took, that this is all he would have. Glimpses of brown eyes and riotous curls, whispers of her laugh upon the breeze, kisses and soft hands that seared his body and soul like a wildfire. She was not his, would never be.

He was confined to the shadows, granted mere moments of her time when need and want became so strong that she could no longer deny herself. Only seeing her when the burdens of this life became too heavy. She stumbled upon him one night, running away from her reality if only for a moment, and an unexpected and sudden kinship struck on the blackest of nights. On those nights, she never failed to return to his side.

She brought him her laughter, her tears, her brilliance. She gave him all that she was, never hiding, too tired to be guarded or coy.

He brought her apathy disguised as hate that morphed into fascination and his biting wit. He would have offered her safety, his protection, but it would be meaningless in this world. It would end them both. But he gave her everything else that made him who he was, too consumed by her to think to hide himself away.

Her embrace stoked a fire in his blood, hot in its intensity, raging in its passion, made him tremble.

He needed more and so did she.

Soft lips, hot mouths, roving hands. It was not enough, would never be enough, but it was all he had.

Never again she would say.

It was not for lack of trying.

Years have passed, long and agonizing, since their introduction. Scant meetings brought forth the thirst for more knowledge, more need, more want, more _everything_ until he was consumed by all that was her. He denied it, this weakness that plagued him. He hated her-perhaps truly for the first time-for it, this love that she made him feel.

_Unrequited, unneeded, useless._

Morning approaches, and he knows that soon she will leave back to the side of the one who truly holds her heart. The one who does not deserve her, cherish her, like he does.

Deep down, he knows that she knows this as truth.

She will leave anyway.

Once again, he is relegated to the shadows, bitter and angry, but he will remain. He is steadfast in his devotion, even if it is from far away. Unwilling to leave, not good enough-not brave enough- to stay.

She turns to him, regret shining in her eyes, but not because she is leaving. That pains him more than any wound he has ever received.

These stolen moments, slowly splintering his soul, leaving him broken, are changing him irrevocably. He is but a pale shade of who he used to be. He is not sure whether it is better this way.

These moments are everything to him and nothing.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading! Updates on Tuesdays!


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